Bunder.com: Wedding 98

Leslie suggested I invite him to the housewarming, but given he was goingback to LA on Wednesday (to make a movie about a guy who dies and comes backas a snow - go figure) it was probably destined not to be. So I guess theonly celebrities at the party will be the two of us.

Saw the new Jack Nicholson flick, As Good As It Gets, in the evening. Givethe guy the Oscar, now!

Tuesday February 3

My next appointment to have my dress sorted is Saturday week, Valentine'sDay.

Going to Virgin Brides at Northumberland Ave off Trafalgar Square, who hada frock I absolutely loved.

In fact, Catherine (50 per cent of my bridesmaids) and myself are going toa press launch at Virgin Brides tomorrow, so with a bit of luck she can sussthe dress out for herself.

Wednesday February 4

My dress has been discontinued!! Denied!! Why?! Why didn't I order it whenI saw it? Oh, God, this is the biggest disaster!! Oh, what the hell, there'sother dresses.

Catherine absolutely loved Virgin Brides, who gave us a pretty cool evening- we had our photos done, we had shoulder massages, we eyed Richard Branson(quite tall, actually), and we had around fourteen slices of wedding cakeeach.

Had to compensate for the trauma of losing my dress. I bemoaned it to everybodyI saw wearing a Virgin Brides staff badge. Christine, who looked after melast time, suggested they might be able to pull a few strings. I'm not holdingout any hopes . . .

Catherine loved the flat.

Thursday February 5

Finally kitted ourselves out with some decent hi-fi equipment, purchasinga CD, amp and speakers from Richer Sounds in Holborn, where you tell themwhat you're looking for, slip in the words "Actually we're first time buyers,"and they put together a cool sound system for you without ripping you off.

We went along, very excited at the mention that first-time customers geta little freebie thrown in. Leslie even used such impressive phrases as "Ofcourse, from this point we'll become real hi-fi connoisseurs, so when wecome around to upgrade...", so there we were confidently expecing our freetwo metres of connecting cable/CD player/amp/speakers.

As you can imagine we were, um, thrilled to bits when having paid for everything,we were sent on our way with - a free Richer Sounds mug each (plus someconnecting cable thrown in!). Goody. Still, the salesman did a top jobrecommending a system - my Prodigy album has never sounded so good. So nowwe're all set for Saturday. All we have to do tomorrow is call Marcus's andorder the food.

Friday February 6

Marcus's is closed on Friday. Denied again!! Have images of myself slavingover a hot stove frantically knocking up lemon chicken while starved partygoersbay at the kitchen door like a pack of over-excitable farm animals.

Added to that, we have invited about 50 people in the hope of getting 25- and around 50 have expressed interest in coming . . . have told the next-doorneighbour we'll spill into his flat if we don't have enough room, but hedidn't seem too keen on that idea . . .

Saturday February 7

Start the morning off with Leslie and his mom picking me up to go to Makroto purchase all the essential paper plates and napkins.

7.30pm. Party invite says arrive 8pm, but Andy Levy decides that ashe has just finisihede work, he'll turn up. So, he's the first of our guestsas everyone else starts turning up including the neighbouts Don and Trudy.

Leslie starts playing the CDs. For a laugh he puts on the Kajagoogoogreatest hits album and then realises it's not a great idea, so off it goesonly to be replaced by the likes of Japan, Duran Duran, Nick Heyward, Prodigy,Chemical Brothers and Seal. Talk about eclectic!

2 am. Have just bid farewell to the last reveller. I think we can safelysay the party was a resounding success - around 30 guests in total, not allat the same time, and another 200 on the balcony, which meant it was niceand empty in the living-room. Nothing was smashed, nobody dropped anythingon the sofa, and when we switched out the lights and demonstrated theglow-in-the-dark spaceship we picked up in Vegas everybody looked reallyinterested. No, really, they did.

My office spent the majority of the evening in the kitchen. Leslietold them it was a kosher home and somehow they got the impression that theoven was blessed by a Rabbi!

My niece, Juliette, (five months) proved to be the centre of attention yetagain by smiling gummily at every partygoer. Her parents, my brotherIan and sister-in-law Marsha stayed until gone 11pm. Party on!!!

Meanwhile Leslie's dear friend David Nelson (looking very James Bondish)made the entrance of the evening by turning up in a very impressive clankyconvertible. He was able to tell which house it was largely due to the volumeof people on the balcony eyeing his vehicle ..

Sunday February 8

Astoundingly the remains of last night's party are just a memory - whichis just as well as I have to get the place ready for the family party thisafternoon - Leslie's mother and cousins, my parents, parents' in-laws, aunts,and uncles. And cousin. This was a tea-party, so we laid on plenty of smokedsalmon bagels and cakes, which seemed to go down rather well.

My mom mentions she has taken out insurance on the wedding. Costs around£200 to cover £10,000 worth of wedding.

Somehow there seemed to be a lot more clearing up than last night, even thoughwe had about half the number of guests. Finally got the place to myself forthe first time that weekend, at about 9.30 pm. I have a cupboard groaningwith left-over food, plus about seven bottles of wine, three bottles of champagneand untold numbers of spirits left over from last night's party. Better getdrinking then…

Monday February 9

Am contemplating having another party (a don't-bring-a-bottle-party) to getrid of all the excess alcohol.

Tuesday February 10 - Friday February 13

Horrendously busy week at work. No time for anything else, alas but Lesliesent me a couple of online Valentines cards and in return I sent him a coupleback! Oh, the joys of being on the Internet!

Saturday February 14

My letter box is clogged up with Valentines!! Now, I wonder who those mightbe from, hmmmmm? Anyway, I now have to go to Virgin Brides and convince themto make that dress for me . . .

11.40 am Virgin Brides, or rather my new consultant Alexia, has dropped thebombshell. The dress is no more! Aargh! Aargh! Decide to try some otherson anyway.

11.50 Have officially found perfect wedding dress. The other dress - nowwhich one was that, exactly ? - is but a distant memory. Didn't like it anyway.This one is much better - the best dress ever in the whole world, in fact.As Leslie is reading this I can't tell you what it's like, but I can revealit's of a whitish hue. So that clears that up then. Have also sorted thebridesmaid's dresses, but I'm not revealing the identity of those either.

Being such a romantic couple in the stages of pre-marital bliss, Leslie andI decided there was only one way we could spend Valentine's Day night . .. that's right, we spent a joyous evening at the Warner Village in Actonwatching Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, a film so incompetent in every departmentI truly feel it has the potential to become a cult classic. Example; womanindulges in bout of non-gratuitous (honest) mud-wrestling with fellow femalefighter. Gets nice white vest caked in mud. Cut to five minutes later. Womanis walking through desert, vest is sparklingly white. Given that she is inthe middle of the desert, with no washing facilities or laundrettes for milesaround, how is this achieved? No, I have no idea either.

Rounded off the perfect evening with a trip to Marcus's. Again!

February 16 - February 20

No further wedding plans made due to an impossibly busy week at work. Willtry and sort out invitations, frocks, etc. next week. I am off to Australiafor my brother's wedding in March, so it would be good to have everythingup to date by then.

February 21 - 22

Saturday night we went out with our friends Nick and Louise, and Leslie hasasked Nick to be best man! He looked quite surprised to be asked in the middleof a crowded cinema, waiting for the programme to start, but he has indeedsaid yes and the pair will be joining us in New York on September 6, completewith, hopefully, fantastically witty and incisive speech. We then saw InAnd Out, which was very amusing, far more so than I had expected, and roundedthe evening off with some dinner at Solly's, a hugely popular kosher restaurantin North London. A very successful night out.

Monday February 23

Good news! Catherine has been to London and approves of the bridesmaid'sdress - except for the triangular bit cut out of the back. So I'll be orderingthose pretty soon, and hopefully getting the nice people at the bridal shopto sew in some extra material. We now have all our officials in place (andvery well dressed). Rounded off the evening with a viewing of Sphere, a trulydreadful film whose underwater sequences look as though they were shot inthe director's swimming pool. Dustin Hoffman should be ashamed of himself.

Tuesday February 24/Wednesday February 25

The Empire Film Awards take place on Friday at the Park Lane Hotel in London,which is very nice - big plush pink carpets and all, so that's keeping meoccupied at the moment. It's too exciting to do any work at the moment.

Thursday February 26

The guest list for the awards has been announced, and it includes the likesof Dennis Hopper, Kevin Spacey and Ewan McGregor. And me? I'm chaperoningPete Postlethwaite. I had to look after him last year and believe me, heis the world's easiest man to please.

Friday February 27

Pete Postlethwaite is still the world's easiest man to please. And the awardswere a resounding success, to say nothing of a chance to wear the superbIsaac Mizrahi velvet suit that Leslie bought me in New York. Spent the entireceremony gazing in awe at Kevin Spacey, who really should have been doingthe same thing to me after I narrowly rescued him from being brained by alight fitting when he was having his picture taken. How's that for a claimto fame?

Anyway, everything about the day was perfect, from the acceptance speeches(Dennis Hopper recite the whole of the poem If and bagged two standing ovationsfor his troubles) to the turn-out (all the famous folk showed up) to thelunch (all-you-can-eat smoked salmon - yum!) And the aftershow party proveda popular draw as well. We should do this every month . . .

Saturday February 28

Finally! We went down to John Lewis warehouse to collect our remaining fourchairs - very nice, kind of retro shaped and bright blue. Except two of themwere in navy blue. Which we did not order. Spent a good deal of time on thephone to John Lewis, where we bought them. They have promised to replacethem next weekend and this time they will deliver!

Leslie brought over the Gateway 2000 Pentium 300 PC he bought a couple ofdays earlier and it's fantastic. Massive 64MB RAM, loads of memoryand a great 17 inch monitor! Plus the sound speakers are awesome, havingdownloaded the Godzilla roar from the official Web site.